Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
