:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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