sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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