Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
