I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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