Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
