My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
