i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
