sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I died a long time ago.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
