you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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