I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
