she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
