For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
