i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
