I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
