My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i would punch a child for taco bell
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
