Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
