Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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