I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
