my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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