yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
