Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
