woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
