You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
