my shit smells like andre
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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