eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
