when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
