8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
