i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
