i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
