The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
