You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
