I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
