took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
