Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
