Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sarcasm needs its own font
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
