So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
