i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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