chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
