just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
