just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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