Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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