I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
