somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
