Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
