The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
