i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
