We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
