So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
