I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize